3 questions to ask your Inner Critic
Image: Tachia Lee via Unsplash
The Inner Critic is something we all have, and it’s an important part of our psyche. It’s there to help us analyse situations and, ultimately, keep us safe. But it can also run rampant and become incredible loud, especially around the premenstrual phase of the cycle.
Although the premenstruum is the natural home and domain of the inner critic, it can pop up at any time, especially when we’re feeling vulnerable. Learning how to work with your critic instead of being ruled by it, can be the difference between mental and emotional hell, and ease during your cycle.
While the inner critic can sound and feel incredibly cruel, there’s often real gold to be mined through the harshness. There can be truly life changing perspectives to be found, as long as you know how to open dialogue with it.
Here are three, simple questions to ask your inner critic and start transforming your PMS into power:
Do I need to hear this right now?
The inner critic has no sense for timing. It doesn’t matter whether you’re on your period, on holiday or in bed with a lover - if the critic has something to say, it’ll often just come out and say it. But this doesn’t mean you have to listen to it at that precise moment.
Asking yourself whether now is an appropriate time is a powerful way to stop being overrun by your critic. You might simply say, ‘thanks for bringing this to my attention, but I don’t need to hear this right now’, or write down what it’s saying to come back to later on. These are simple tactics that work. Our consciousness is something separate from the mind (which is why in meditation you can be aware of the thoughts you’re having from the perspective of being a watcher). Actively engaging the critic and telling it to quieten down, wait until later etc is a great way to engage with it.
Whose voice is this?
Humans are conditioned by the people around them from birth, and by the age of seven, many of the beliefs we have have been formed and influenced by other people. This doesn’t stop as we get older, either. The opinions of other people can stick in our minds about all sorts of things, from what is deemed attractive, what success should look like, how parenting should look etc.
By stopping to listen to the critic’s voice, you can determine whether the criticisms and judgements are actually yours, and whether they’re serving you. You might find that the voice in your head sounds an awful lot like your mother, or your English teacher from years ago, or someone you follow on social media. Take note of the words, tone and intonation (how words and sentences are pronounced) when listening to your critic and see if it sounds like someone else, or yourself.
What are you really trying to tell me?
This is where the biggest insights can come. Often, the critic uses harsh, direct language. Think of it like a child, or someone who hasn’t yet been socialised. The language it uses might hurt, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have something valid to say. Remember, the critic is often trying to protect us from getting into a situation that won’t serve us - making a fool of ourselves, making wrong decisions, failure etc. It serves a very real purpose.
Being brave enough to literally ask ‘what are you really trying to tell me’ can highlight skills gaps that need to be filled, or fears that need to be worked through. And once you’re able to do that, your critic can go from being something that abuses and holds you back, to a true ally in getting what you want.
If you’re struggling with your critic and would like to see how coaching can help, schedule your free 30min call with me or check out my coaching space.