My Menstrual Journey Part 2: Transitioning to a life off the pill
Problems with the pill
My return to the pill was fine from the outside, but inside, I could feel myself starting to wonder what life would be without it. I was getting deep into a yogic lifestyle and becoming more and more aware of what I was eating, drinking and putting on my skin. It felt strange to me to take chemical hormones that I didn’t fully understand. And, more than that, I was starting to notice a change in my libido. It felt as if I were numb most of the time, not quite in touch with my feelings.
What did the pill have to do with my dental care?
A huge turning point came in early 2017, when I was searching YouTube for videos on menstrual cups. I stumbled across a video from Femmehead where she spoke about some of the effects the pill has on the body - especially that it can affect the health of teeth and gums. This was like a light-switch flicking on in my head. Why was a pill I was taking to stop me getting pregnant messing with my dental health? I was someone who’d suffered with gingivitis regularly and had constant dental issues, despite taking good care of them. The more I considered the link between the two, the more it made sense. I already knew that pregnant women were eligible for free dental care in the UK because of the changes in hormones - so of course changes in hormones caused by the pill could do the same. As a side note, I’ve noticed that with my natural cycle, my gums tend to bleed at ovulation, so there you go!
Taking charge of my fertility
For the first time ever, I felt a truly clear decision to stop. I read the amazing Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wechsler and my mind was blown. You mean I couldn’t get pregnant every single day? And the cyclical changes happening in my body were normal and not reasons to go to the doctor all the time? I read a few more books, spoke to my boyfriend and took my last pill on 24th March 2017. Since then, I’ve been tracking and charting my fertility by taking my temperature every morning, tracking my cervical fluid and cervix position to know when I’m ovulating. I’ve learned how to read the signs of my body and develop a deep trust that, rather than being an inconvenience, my body and cycle are doing what they’re supposed to do. I became to understand the amazing things that happen from day to day and week to week of my cycle, which allowed me to look at my period as a source of pride instead of a period pain. That said, I did start to notice that my cycle was atypical to the examples I kept reading about on the internet.
When ovulation feels awful
If ovulation was supposed to be the pinnacle of the cycle, where everything in our bodies is gearing up for conception, where we feel sexy and energetic and our libido spikes, why was mine the opposite? My ovulation came with headaches, tiredness, mood changes and absolutely zero desire to be sociable, feel sexy or any of the other things we’re ‘supposed’ to feel.
Instead of feeling like superwoman, I felt like I was having a second period. My boyfriend even noticed it, calling it the ‘mid-cycle dip’. I also noticed that I tended to have my period at full moon, instead of new moon like I was ‘supposed to’. I read Red Moon by Miranda Gray and learned for the first time about the different energetic phases and how our hormones affect the way we feel, interact and respond to our environment from one period to the next. At the same time, I was starting to notice a deep disconnect with anything I would class as being ‘feminine’ and I wanted to fix that, which is how I came across Menstrual Cycle Awareness.
Empowerment through the menstrual cycle
Within two months of practicing menstrual cycle awareness (MCA) (you can read my guide to it here), my ovulation dip was transformed. By simply bringing more awareness to my body and state of mind, and tweaking my lifestyle, I felt that sunny, vibrant, I-can-do-everything superwoman vibe for the very first time. I’ve also noticed now how my need for intimacy fluctuates over my cycle, as well as my libido. As Claire Baker says, it’s like stepping from black and white into technicolour, and I’ve never looked back.
Every cycle is somehow the same and yet vastly different. I’ve come to fully embrace, love, nurture and be in awe of my cycle and while I do sometimes feel anger and grief at not having learned this until my early and mid-thirties, I feel immensely privileged to know I’m helping to make that a reality for the next generation. I truly hope that our daughters, granddaughters and beyond are taught about the innate gifts that come with having a cycle, that periods don’t have to be painful, or shameful. That they learn to love themselves for their cyclical loveliness.
As I shared on my Instagram: