Defeating money monsters
The new year always brings a sense of a fresh start and everything is possible. But it also brings a lot of tension for a lot of people because, money. December is a busy month: parties and christmas and gifts and travel to see family and new year’s…..and, if you live in the UK, a long, long wait from the payday before Christmas to the one at the end of January. I know, because I’ve been there. Over and over and over. Because here’s a confession: I was terrible with money.
When I got my first ever pay check, I blew it in a day. I got credit cards and loans and amassed debt. It feels a little scary to write that because money is such a sensitive subject that we don’t bring to the table and yet, it affects each and every one of us. Student debt, mortgages, savings, ISA’s and pension funds - money is an integral part of life that everyone is expected to understand and earn, but few are taught about. It took until last summer for me to feel finally ready to seriously look at and change the way I relate to money.
Here’s the thing. We ALL need money. We ALL come into contact with it every single day. But some of us have a terrible time attracting, holding onto and saving it, while others have no problem at all. There might be two people sitting next to each other in an office, doing the same job, at the same age, earning the same salary. And yet one of them will be struggling to make ends meet, taking payday loans (that was me) and credit cards (that was me too) while the other is funnelling enough away to take holidays, buy that car, travel or put a deposit on a house. How is this? WHY is this? These are the questions that made me start to question what it was about my personal relationship with money, combined with the realisation that I’m not actually getting any younger. Here are a few of the things I’ve learned along the way that have helped me enormously when it comes to changing my mindset about money.
Beliefs
What are your actual beliefs about money? Honestly, until I started this process I hadn’t really thought about it. I sat down and journaled until I found myself writing a list of 21 beliefs about money. Beliefs like:
Money is stressful
Money is hard to come by and even harder to keep
I will never have enough money to do what I want
Money isn’t real, so it doesn’t matter how I spend it
Sound familiar? It amazed me that I had these beliefs about money and even more, was that they mostly weren’t mine. And they certainly didn’t apply to everyone. It took a lot of digging (and I’m still working through that list) to go back to the root of those beliefs, and rewrite them with new ones. Because the thing is, if I believe that money is stressful, then why on earth would I want more of it? If I don’t believe that money is real (this was picked up after my first year travelling) then it won’t be a part of my reality.
Getting clear on numbers
I’ve had an excel spreadsheet of all my outgoings for as long as I can remember calculating what I need to pay for rent, electricity etc etc. A budget, if you will. But I never, ever looked at the total. And I NEVER checked my bank balance, how crazy is that? Instead I’d keep some kind of (wrong) mental calculation and think, oh I have about three hundred pounds in there still, and hope for the best. And I can tell you, it didn’t work well for me. Now, I check my bank balance every single day. I know what I’ve got, what’s yet to leave. And I know exactly what has to go out. The trick here, is about feeling in control. That money and my flow of it is something I have a good eye on. If you don’t have a clue what your bank balance is, then start looking at it every day. Even if it’s in the minus and even if it’s scary. You cannot remain ignorant and expect things to change. I also use an amazing app called Spendee where I input every single thing that comes in and goes out. It gives me an analysis I can check in with at any time to see where I’m spending (and recognised that I spend way too much money in cafes!).
Recognising abundance
In addition to the app, I also write down every other bit of abundance that comes my way, whether it’s being invited for a coffee by a friend, or finding a penny on the street. I honestly used to walk past them because, how embarrassing is it to pick up a penny. Would I walk past a pound or euro? NO. Money is money. And there’s abundance all around us if we can only just open our eyes wide enough to see. What I’ve learned is, that I have a lot more coming into my life than I thought, and that until now, I’ve always, always had enough.
And here’s the other thing. If you’re a woman in this world, you’re way more likely to end up a widow than a man is. You’re much more likely to earn less because of the gender pay gap. And it is simply not enough to expect someone to come along and save you from your money problems (like I did).
What’s your relationship to money? Where and why are you holding yourself back? Taking control of your finances is a terrifying, scary thing to do but it’s also empowering. And that has to be worth it.
Much love,
Nat
xx
**I subscribed to Vienda Maria’s Affluent course at www.viendamaria.com and I definitely recommend taking it!