Cycle day 365: A year without a cycle
Copyright Natalie K. Martin
It’s 365 days since my last period - a whole year! Between being pregnant and post-partum, my Menstrual Cycle Awareness tracking practice has been completely different to what I’d expected..which is to say, it’s been mostly absent.
I know. As a Menstrual Cycle Coach it feels like sacrilege to say it. But, as someone who learns and then guides through experience, it also feels like it could never have been any other way. Instead of doing what I ‘should’ do, I have (of course) gone and done something different. And it’s opened my eyes to a whole new way of staying connected.
The standard advice you’ll hear if you’re someone without a cycle, or with an irregular one, is to follow the moon. But honestly, for me, it felt impossible aligning to it, despite having had a good moon connection in the past. I barely even knew the moon existed in pregnancy, and to a certain extent, that’s still the case now unless I happen to see it in the sky.
Admitting that the moon cycle does nothing for me hasn’t been easy. It’s so intrinsically woven into the world of Menstruality and femininity, but…it’s true. Instead, I’ve found something else.
And that is not to track a cycle.
The fact is, that pregnancy and post-partum (and perimenopause) are cycles all of their own, within the menstrual cycle. These are important phases in the life of a cyclical being. So why do we not respect that, in and of itself instead of using something else to replace it?
One reason is that the lunar cycle can be an anchor and guide in having something to follow. After all, it’s about the same length as the menstrual cycle, with phases that mirror the wax, release, wane and gather ones of the menstrual cycle. When it comes to self-care or general MCA alignment, it makes sense.
But I wonder if it’s also because the absence (or perceived absence) of a cycle means we’re left to discern what’s happening for ourselves. And that can be a scary thing.
Most people love the sense of order that comes with an MCA practice, and being able to know what feelings to expect when. And I know from my own experience that when you find your cycle is doing something different to the archetypal one, it can be disorientating. It’s one of the main reasons clients come to me - because their cycle isn’t fitting the pattern it should.
Deciding not to replace my cycle with the framework of another meant leaning fully into my intuition and amplifying the awareness part of MCA. Instead, I’m practicing the awareness part as often as I can:
How do I feel today?
What do I need today?
What can I do to make space for that?
At the very beginning of my time with my new baby, I found it hard to answer these questions. The oxytocin high meant that all I really wanted to do was cuddle and snuggle with him, and I barely thought about myself outside of: I’m hungry, I’m thirsty and my nipples hurt.
Now, almost 11 weeks in, I can feel my sense of Self returning. I’m finding my thoughts turn more and more towards my business and wanting to reconnect to it in a new way. What I need is now more about needing space to indulge in a long shower or time on my yoga mat than the base human needs for survival. And making space for that with a newborn is honestly challenging when the day flies past without me noticing.
I haven’t tracked anything on paper or in an app, because honestly that adds another thing to my list that I may well forget to do. But it’s been beautiful insofar as that it prompts me to deepen my intuition. More importantly, it’s reminded me that cyclical living applies to so much more than what we think of when we think of the menstrual cycle.
It feels murky because it’s not cookie-cutter advice. It means rebelling against outside advice that doesn’t fit your own experience, and rooting down into what’s happening for you, which I think is what Menstrual Cycle Awareness truly is.
If you want to connect with your cycle, schedule your free 30min call with me to see how coaching can help.