Matrescence: Why you and your brain aren’t the same after having a baby

If you feel like you’ve gone a bit mad since becoming a mum, like your brain has done a complete 360 fruit loop, you’re not imagining it! You’re going through matrescence. And it is a big deal.

Matrescence is the word for the process of becoming a mother, and it’s as massive a transformation as adolescence. Your hormones change. Your brain changes. Your identity changes. But because hardly anyone talks about it, so many of us are caught off guard, left thinking we’re the only ones struggling when, in fact, we’re not.

What’s wild is, matrescence isn’t a new concept. The word was coined back in 1973 by an anthropologist called Dana Raphael. That’s 52 years ago! And yet most of us still only hear about it on niche mothering Instagram accounts, despite it being so akin to adolescence - the thing that pretty much every person on earth knows about.

In puberty, your body, mood and perspective on everything changed. You might’ve had oily skin, acne, greasy hair. You probably compared yourself to everyone around you. You might’ve done stuff you’d never dream of doing now. You might’ve felt totally lost, or you might’ve loved stepping into that more grown-up version of yourself. Matrescence is very much the same.

It’s another coming of age. Another rite of passage. But this time, you're expected to keep everyone fed, functioning, and emotionally supported while you go through it, with a new brain.

Researchers have actually done MRI scans on women after pregnancy, and the changes in their brains were so obvious that a computer could tell, with 100% accuracy, whether someone had been pregnant up to two years later, just by looking at their scan. * info on the study linked below.

Two. Years. Later.

So when you feel like you can’t focus or your memory is all over the place, or you’re sensing danger in places you never noticed before, that’s your brain doing exactly what it’s supposed to as a mother. And yet… society expects us to bounce back and be exactly who we were pre-baby. But we’re not the same.

Your body’s different. Your relationships might feel off. You might not want to go back to work, or you might feel desperate for something that’s just yours. Your perspective has changed.

And that’s the hardest part? I honestly think that so many of the struggles we face as new mums, is down to this. We are not the same as we were before. And there’s no support in our cultural structure to help us navigate this. So here’s how you can start to find a way through this journey.

• Start with compassion. If you’re in the thick of it and you’re wondering why you don’t feel like yourself anymore, give yourself grace. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re changing, and you’re supposed to.

• Find community. Remember, this was never meant to be done alone. Reach out to other mums or people who can identity with what you’re going through. Take a look at my Mama Circles if you need help finding that.

• Ask for help. Therapy, coaching, talking to your GP - whatever support you can access, please don’t feel ashamed to use it.

Matrescence is an initiation. It’s sacred. It’s life-changing. And like all transitions, it can be painful, confusing, joyful, grounding and expansive all at the same time.

https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years

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