Mum Rage: What is it and why the F*** does it happen?

You know that moment. You’re standing in the kitchen, the toddler’s whining, the dog’s underfoot, dinner’s burning, and suddenly, it hits. Pure, unfiltered rage. It’s like a volcano inside you that’s been bubbling for weeks, and now it’s erupting all at once.

And the worst part? The guilt that follows. ‘Why did I shout? Am I a terrible mum? Why can’t I just stay calm?’

If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something: You are not alone.

Mum rage is something many of us feel, but few of us talk about. It’s not just anger. It’s an intense, physical, emotional and sometimes terrifying experience. And while it might feel like a personal failing, it’s actually something much deeper.

In a two-part episode of The Mama Circle Podcast, I sat down with clinical psychologist Dr. Jenny Turner to get to the root of mum rage. We unpacked why it happens, what it’s really telling you and how to process it in a way that supports you (and your kids).

This post is a breakdown of some of the most powerful insights from our conversation.

What Is Mum Rage?

It’s more than frustration. It’s that deep, uncontrollable, fiery rage that seems to come out of nowhere. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t actually come out of nowhere. It’s been building up for quite some time.

Dr. Jenny explains that rage is often the result of unmet needs. And I don’t mean trips to the spa - I’m talking about the really basic stuff, like:

• Sleep (Ha, what’s that again?)

• Food and water (How many times have you realised your water bottle is just out of reach while you’re pinned under a sleeping baby?)

• Support (We’re not designed to do this alone, but modern motherhood leaves many of us flying solo)

• Authenticity (If "mum mode" becomes your whole identity, it’s only a matter of time before something cracks)

It’s like a slow leak in a boat. Each little unmet need is a drip, drip, drip until at some point, the boat floods and you capsize.

Tips for working through mum rage

Dr. Jenny shared three game-changing approaches for navigating those moments:

1. Self-Compassion

Dr. Jenny explained self-compassion as having three parts (from Dr. Kristin Neff’s framework):

• Common humanity: Remember, you are not alone. Every mum has these moments. You’re not broken, you’re human.

• Mindfulness: Notice what’s happening in your body. Are you clenching your jaw? Is your heart racing? Naming it can help you slow it down and take the heat out of things as you get some distance between you and the feeling.

• Self-kindness: Instead of beating yourself up, try talking to yourself like you would a friend. Hand on heart, gentle words like, ‘This is really hard right now, but I’m doing my best.’

This isn’t a “quick fix,” but it does shift the shame and guilt that can keep you stuck in that cycle of rage.

2. Rupture and Repair

If you’re worried about displaying anger in front of your little one, it might be helpful to understand that anger itself isn’t the problem. What happens after the anger is.

The rupture isn’t what causes the harm. It’s the failure to repair it.

So, if you shout, snap, or say something you regret, it’s not the end of the story. You can go back, repair the rupture, and teach your child something way more valuable than ‘mum never gets angry.' You can teach them that feelings are normal, not scary and people make mistakes (yep, even us mums!). Moreover, mistakes can be repaired. And lastly, that they are safe - even in moments of conflict.

Dr. Jenny shared a story about her son watching her get angry and, instead of panicking, he just turned to his dad and said, “Mummy’s angry.” No fear. No shame. Just a kid who understands that people get angry sometimes.

That is the goal.

3. Nervous System Regulation

If your nervous system is on high alert all the time, it’s going to be 100x harder to stay calm. Think of it like a phone battery. If you’re at 5%, one extra WhatsApp notification will drain you.

Nervous system regulation is about charging your battery throughout the day so you have more capacity to deal with hard moments. If you’ve got a tiny bit of energy to spare, use it to regulate. It’ll pay off later.

The biggest takeaway from our chat was: You’re human. You have human needs. And sometimes, those needs aren’t being met. The rage isn’t the problem, it’s a message. As for decoding that message?

Take a second to breathe. Check in with yourself. What’s really going on? Maybe you need food. Or sleep. Or support. Maybe you just need someone to see you.

If that’s the case, come join me in a Mama Circle in-person or online where you can be seen, heard, and supported just as you are. No shame. No judgment. Just honest, real talk with other mums who get it.

And if you haven’t already, listen to both parts of my chat with Dr. Jenny Turner on The Mama Circle Podcast. I promise, it’s one of those episodes you’ll want to replay on those hard days.