Your PMS is not a thing. Here’s why.
Image: MT elgassier via Unsplash
When we talk about PMS, we tend refer to it as if were a 'thing' - an entity with a life of its own that happens to us. And when you have PMS, it really can feel like someone has come into your world, flipped it upside down and turned it inside out. It can make just the idea of trying to 'fix' it feel overwhelming, let alone actually doing it. It might sound weird, but re-examining the language we use can go a long way to dealing with the issues that make so many women's lives a misery.
So, let's start with a fact.
Your PMS is not a thing. It's a cluster of things.
The acronym, PMS, stands for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. And a syndrome is a defined as 'a group of symptoms which consistently occur together, or a condition characterised by a set of associated symptoms'. It might sound like semantics and irrelevant to say PMS is a cluster of things rather than a thing in and of itself, but it's an important distinction to make. Consider this as an example:
I can't become a hairdresser because I don't know how to cut hair. This statement is marked by a massive full stop. There's no space for options or progression. Now compare it to...
If I want to become a hairdresser, I need to learn how to cut hair. This statement is showing a way out. It's seeing the problem and the solution.
The reality hasn't changed. You still don't know how to cut hair, but it's no longer a limiting belief. It's a truth that can be worked around. It doesn't sound like much, but reframing self-limiting beliefs is a coaching tool that's used to great effect, because when we tell ourselves something, we tend to believe it. If you had a mum (like mine), a teacher or some other adult who liked to tell you that 'there's no such word as can't', this is what they meant.
What does this mean for your PMS?
If you imagine your PMS as a big, solid lump of a thing, it can feel impossible to tackle because you can't see a way in. But when you imagine that big, solid lump but this time and hold it up to the light, you’ll notice a tiny crack or weak spot. This is your way in. The ability to pick your pre-menstrual symptoms apart can be so much easier and way more effective than trying to hit it all at once (and you'll likely find things are inter-related too, so once you focus on one part, the others will start to automatically follow suit.
What might this actually look like?
Let's say your Premenstrual phase is plagued by irritability, tiredness, migraines and breast tenderness. If you were to look for a weak spot (i.e. the thing that looks easiest to start with), you might decide that tiredness would be it. Our bodies need more sleep in the premenstrual phase, something most of us barely get enough of as it is. Prioritising sleep - and I mean really prioritising it - might look like reducing screen time before bed to allow your mind to calm down so you can actually sleep quicker and deeper. Or it might mean going to bed earlier and reading instead of sitting in front of Netflix. Or it might mean doing a meditation before bed. Or it might mean tidying up your bedroom and turning it into a dream space that's set up for...well, dreaming.
Prioritising sleep can look a hundred different ways depending on your needs, wants and set up. And when you do it, you'll strike one of those pesky symptoms from your list. Of course, things are linked together, so it could be that you find your tolerance levels increasing, and your irritability decreasing (I don't know about you but I tend to be irritated and cranky most when I'm tired).
Your irritability might be caused by feeling under pressure to do things you don't want to right now. Or feeling blocked in some way by your partner, family, colleagues, job or yourself. You might feel irritated because there's something you really want to do but feel you can't for whatever reason (but as we just said, there's no such word as can't). Stopping to take the time to notice the cause and then taking action (or as the case may be, taking a pause) can help reduce the irritability you feel, especially if its something that keeps on coming up. Of course, your irritability might also be because of caffeine overload and you might decide to lay off it or switch to decaf in your premenstrual phase.
And that reduction in caffeine might also help your migraines and breast tenderness. Lots of people can't tolerate as much of it after ovulation and, since we need our excess oestrogen to be processed by the liver, and the liver can get overloaded by having to prioritise things like caffeine, cutting down from three cups of coffee day to one can do heaps in the detoxification process of your body.
How doable do these sound to you? Very, I hope. And much more so than trying to do it all at once, at the same time, in a phase of your cycle where the critic can be extremely loud and deterring.
It’s important to understand that it isn’t cheating to do this. It's understanding how the human mind works and any coach worth their salt would take you though this process because it works. Extremely well.
What do your Pre-Menstrual Symptoms look like? Write them all down and then see which ones feel most doable to you. It might be that you need expert help or supplements as a boost, but don't underestimate the power that can come with reframing how you look and talk about it.
If you're struggling with your Premenstrual phase and wand to see how coaching can help, schedule your free 30min call with me or check out my menstrual cycle coaching space.