Why having kids is awful (and why it’s okay to say so)

Motherhood is often romanticised as a magical, life-fulfilling journey, filled with cosy snuggles, Instagram-worthy milestones and an endless stream of joy. And while all of that can be true, it’s far from the full story. The reality of parenting is complex. It’s messy, chaotic, and, at times, downright awful.

Yes, I said it: having kids can be awful. Not because we don’t love our children, but because the experience of raising them stretches us in ways we never imagined. If that’s hard to hear, stick with me. Talking about these challenges doesn’t make us bad parents - it makes us honest. And in that honesty, we create space for connection, understanding, and a bit of sanity.

In this post, I’m breaking down the most challenging parts of parenting. I’m not trying to scare anyone away from motherhood, but to share the fact that it’s hard sometimes. Because two things can be true at once: parenting is both deeply rewarding and utterly exhausting.

12 awful things about parenting

1. Sleep deprivation
   Look. We know this is a thing, but oh wow, is it brutal! Operating on three hours of broken sleep feels like running a marathon every single day. Honestly, it’s no wonder sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture because it wears you down, physically and emotionally. The worst part? You can’t just tap out and catch up on sleep. You push through because your little one needs you.

2. The never-ending mess
   If you like a tidy house, prepare for a reality check. Get ready for clutter, chaos and constant tidying up. Toys, clothes, crumbs, spills…it never ends. And it’s not just the physical mess. Your once-organised home will become a chaotic playground with your bedside table and bookshelves cleared of anything breakable or tempting for little hands.

3. Losing your sense of self
   Becoming a mum changes you in ways no one prepares you for. It’s not just your priorities that shifts. Your entire identity does. Who you were before kids feels like a distant memory and finding yourself again can feel like a never-ending journey. This transformation, called matrescence, is profound, but it can also be isolating and confusing.

4. Constant judgment
   From strangers in the supermarket to other mums at the school gates, parenting often feels like you’re under a microscope. Everyone has an opinion about how you’re raising your child and the pressure to meet these expectations from society, and yourself, can be overwhelming.

5. Never having time to yourself
   Remember when you could spontaneously decide to take a nap or binge-watch a series? Those days are gone. Every moment of your day is now carefully planned around your child’s needs. Even when you do get a rare moment to yourself, your mind is still occupied with your child’s wellbeing.

6. Relationship struggles
   Parenting changes your relationship with your partner. It’s like holding up a mirror to all the cracks you never noticed before. You’ll argue about things you never anticipated from parenting styles to whether a toddler squishing pasta is cute or unacceptable. The strain of parenting can be tough even for the strongest couples.

7. Explaining everything (over and over Again)
   Parenting is basically a masterclass in patience. Explaining basic concepts repeatedly to a small human who doesn’t understand (or care) is bloody exhausting. And just when you think they’ve grasped it, they’ll test your limits again. Yay.

8. Saying no. Alllllllll the time
   You will say no more times in a day than you thought humanly possible. And when no stops working, you’ll have to get creative with how you set boundaries. It’s exhausting and feels like you’re stuck in an endless loop.

9. Losing friends
   Parenthood shifts your priorities, which can sometimes mean friendships fall away. Some friends don’t understand your new reality, and others simply drift apart. It can feel lonely to realise that people you once relied on are no longer in your corner.

10. Your kids are always on your mind
    Even when you’re apart, they’re always there in the back of your mind. Parenting means carrying the mental load of someone else’s life 24/7, which can feel like an incredible responsibility…and a constant drain.

11. The emotional toll
    Being responsible for someone else’s happiness, safety, and well-being is HUGE. You’ll worry about their future, their health, and how to protect them from life’s inevitable struggles. It’s a weight that never fully goes away.

12. The endless rotation of stuff
    Clothes, toys, nappies - everything is in constant rotation. They outgrow clothes faster than you can organise them and toys need swapping out to match their developmental stages. And let’s not even talk about once they start daycare.

Why We Need to Talk About This

Parenting isn’t all hard, but pretending it’s easy does a disservice to those who are considering jumping in. By being honest about the struggles, we can create a more supportive, realistic narrative about motherhood. It’s okay to say it’s hard. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. And it’s okay to admit that sometimes, parenting is awful.

But here’s the thing: it’s also beautiful, life-affirming, and deeply rewarding. Those truths coexist, and I’ll be sharing some of those in the next post.

Share Your Experience

What’s been the hardest part of parenting for you? Share your thoughts in the comments or tag me on Instagram at @natalie.kmartin. And if you prefer to listen to things like this, I have a podcast!

Welcome to The Mama Circle Podcast!

From practical tips for empowerment to real stories from real mums, this is a place to help you enjoy your role as a Mama.

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